True Telephone Conversations

True Telephone conversations recorded from

 various Help Desks around the U.K

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?

Customer: A white one...

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.

Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...

Customer: No ... wait a minute... 

I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry ....

Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the

 left of ! the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you? 

Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...

Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me!

 I'm not Bill Gates damn it!

Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time 

I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer

 and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer 

still says he can't find it...

Customer: I have problems printing in red...

Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: No.

Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?

Customer: A tedd! y bear my boyfriend bought

 for me in the supermarket.

Helpdesk: And now hit F8.

Customer: It's not working.

Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?

Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me,

 but nothing's happening...

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: OK

Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. 

Is there another keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there's another one here. 

Ah...that one does work!

Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple,

 a capital letter V as in! Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

A customer couldn't get on the internet.

Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.

Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a

 screensaver on my computer, but every time 

I move the mouse, it disappears!

Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?

Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over ! 

4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it

 will take before you can help me?

Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?

Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help

 button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me 

when you will finally be helping me?

Helpdesk: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter a, 

but how do I get the circle around it?