Funny Definitions

Abundance - A baker's exercise

(A-bun-dance)

Arbitrator - A cook that leaves Arby's

to work at McDonald's.

Arcade - A lemonade type drink served

on Noah's Ark.

Avoidable - What a bullfighter tries to do.

Babysitter - A small child that has not

learned to crawl or walk.

Baloney - Where some hemlines fall.

Band-Aid - A fund to help a band.

Bernadette - The act of torching a mortgage.

Burglarize - What a crook sees with.

Cadillac - Lack of cattle.

Contents - Where con men sleep while

on a camping trip.

Control - A short, ugly inmate.

Cookout - The cook's day off.

Counterfeiters - Workers who put

together kitchen cabinets.

Cowlick - Bashing a cow.

Cowhide - Game of Hide and Seek

played by cows.

Detail - Removing a tail.

Dieting - The penalty for exceeding

the feed limit.

Dog Paddle - A rolled-up newspaper with

which to punish a dog without hurting it.

Doughnut - Holey food.

Eclipse - What a Cockney barber does

for a living.

Eyedropper - A clumsy ophthalmologist.

Fan Club - A weapon used by a celebrity

so he won't be crushed by fans.

Feather Brained - Fuzzy headed.

Feather Head - An American Indian Chief.

Fire Escape - A way for a fire to go out.

First Lady - Eve.

Flying Saucers - The wife is on a rampage.

Funny Paper - (1) A paper that laughs.

(2) The paper you read instead

of going to church.

Ghost Town - A town full of Haunted Houses.

Girl Scout - A boy that "scouts" for girls.

Good-bye - A bargain.

Gossip - 24-hour teller.

Handicap - A head cover that is easy

to locate and wear.

Hardship - A ship protected by thick cover.

Hatchet - What a hen does to an egg.

Hay - Grass a-la-mowed.

Headlight - A dizzy spell.

Heavy Duty - Loading an elephant.

Hence - An enclosure around a hen yard.

Heroes - What a guy in a boat does.

High school - A school atop the Sears Building.

High water - The main reason

Noah built the ark.

Himalaya - A rooster that lays an egg.

Holy Smoke - A church on fire.

House Keeper - A lady that kicks her

husband out and keeps the house.

Ideal Person - A card player that

wants to deal everytime.

Illegal - A sick bird.

Installment - Putting a horse in a stall.

Lad - A short ladder.

Laughing Stock - Cattle, horses, sheep

and hogs responding to a good joke.

Layaway Plan - A pre-arranged burial plan.

Laying Down The Law - Putting the law aside

and making your own rules.

Left Bank - What the robber did

when his bag was full of loot.

Life Jacket - A special coat that

lasts a lifetime.

Lip Service - Applying lipstick.

Little Dipper - A small boy diving.

Long Jump - When the cow jumped

over the moon.

Matchbook - A book about matches.

Megaphone - A very large telephone.

Mistletoe - Any animal with a toe missing.

Misty - How golfers create divots.

Mohair - What bald headed men need.

Monkey Business - A petstore employing

monkeys only.

Moron - Someone that spent all night

studying for a blood test.

Moth Ball - A special social event for moths.

Negative Feedback - One result of seasickness.

Network - The process of making nets.

Outfit - Pitching a fit outdoors.

Over Leap - When the cow jumped

over the moon.

Overloaded - An elephant riding a bicycle.

Oyster Bed - A place for an oyster to sleep.

Pacifist - One that can't advocate peace

without clinching his fist.

Paradox - Two physicians.

Parasites - What you see from the top

of the EiffelTower.

Pedestrian - An endagered species.

Period - A comma that curled up

and went to sleep.

Pharmacist - A helper on the farm.

Piggyback - A lost pig is back home.

Pigment - A mint plant grown to feed hogs.

Pineapple - An apple that grew

on a pine tree.

Polarize - What penguins see with.

Pole Vault - A vault where poles

hid from Hitler.

Polite - A light on a pole.

Polygon - A parrot that got away.

Priesthood - A special headpiece

for a priest.

Primate - Removing your spouse

from in front of the TV.

Protest - Testing a professional person.

Put-down - To hot to handle.

Quarterback - Change when you pay for

a 75¢ item with a dollar bill.

Reform - To gain or lose weight.

Refuse - Replacing a burned out fuse.

Relief - What trees do in the spring.

Remind - A brain transplant.

Rest Stop - The traffic light is stuck on red.

Retire - Replacement of tires.

Ringworm - Worm with a bell.

Rock Music - A lullaby sung in a

rocking chair.

Roman - A person that never settles

very long in one place.

Sausage - "Groundog".

Scorekeeper - Someone that knows

the score but keeps it to himself.

Showoff - The show has been cancelled.

Selfish - What the owner of a

seafood store does.

Single Entry - Single people only.

Standing Order - Freeze!

Subdued - Like, a guy who, like,

works on one of those, like,

submarines, man.

Sudafed - Brought litigation against

a government official.

Sunny - A bright boy.

Sunbeam - A heat proof beam

supporting the sun.

Sunburn - What you basked for.

Sundial - An old-timer.

Sweater - A person that freely perspires.

Syntax - All the money collected at the

church from sinners.

Teenagers - People who are doing the

things you wish we had thought

of when we were younger.

Time Keeper - A guy that didn't

return your watch.

Tireless - Have a car but

have no tires.

Tooth Picks - The choices many

dentists give patients to select

their artificial teeth.

Touch-Me-Not - A person with

a severe sunburn.

Travelers Aid - A soft drink for tourists.

Vitamin - What you do when

someone comes to the house.

Waffle Iron - A special additive

to put more iron in waffles.

Waterfall - A "watered-down"

place in a stream.

Well Done - A water, gas or oil

well is completed.

Weekend - A book with a blah ending.

Whether - Unpredictable weather.

Wildlife - Living it up!

Witchcraft - Handmade crafts

made for Halloween.

Woodchuck - Throwing a heavy pole,

post or other item made of wood.

Workout - An outside job.

Writer - One who corrects a wrong.

Year Book - A book that takes a year to read.

Zero Hour - Time kept by a "cuckoo" clock.